Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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