I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
