Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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