I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
