i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
