I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just cropdusted the office
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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