My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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