I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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