The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
