saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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