Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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