It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
