please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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