I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
