Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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