My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Mom said you looked used
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
