Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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