i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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