is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
