Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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