So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
