yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
