Kiss
Puke
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize