I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
