I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
