So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
