I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize