I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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