Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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