When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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