i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
sex in a hospital.. check
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
