Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
