This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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