He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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