i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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