My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
