Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
