ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
