I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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