Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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