I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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