u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
