Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
