she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
