by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
