yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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