nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
