She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it because I queefed?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
