fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
