I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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