just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
