You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize