So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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