it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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