Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
