I got chris browned last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize