I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
