either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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