If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
