So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
