Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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