I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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