Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
do nipples grow back?
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