no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
