member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
