Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
