that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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