well I can't set my house on fire every night
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
