is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
