So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
worst night to have a conscience
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
