My friends, they love my intelligence
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
