ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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