hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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