glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
