I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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