Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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