but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
