I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Pooping to opera.
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