Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
